2 June 2022
Back in the 80's, after a taper & shave meet, our coaches used to have all swimmers, boys & girls, men and women, wear pantyhose in workouts to simulate the unshaven feel. I'm not ready to explain this to the curious patrons at LA Fitness, so I've just been training in my Arena drag suit.
I did a 3 x 300 test set over the weekend and was drastically slower than my effort in early April (3:13s), going 3:30, 3:35, 3:35. I'm not sure how much of the slowdown was due to the drag suit or to the fact that my body's been dragging and very slow to recover since the meet.
As I did a 20 x 100 set of aerobic 100s this morning and struggled to get under 1:10, the song that kept running through my head was Mother's Little Helper. As a clean swimmer (espresso shots aside), I riffed on it, took out the pill references and send out my deepest apologies to Mick and the Stones:
What a drag it is getting old
"Sets are different today, " I hear every swimmer say
This swimmer needs something today to speed him up
And though he's getting fairly old, he just wants to go go go
But he don’t run for the shelter of a swimmer's little helper
He just pushes all the way, gets right through 4k a day
"Sets are different today, " I hear every swimmer say
Stroking butterfly for two hundred’s just a drag
So he buys an espresso shot, and he chugs a protein shake
But he don’t run for the shelter of a swimmer's little helper
He keeps pushing all the way, gets right through 4k a day
Coach, please, some more of ease
Inside the lane, he writhed in pain
What a drag it is getting old
"Laps just aren't the same today, " I hear every swimmer say
They just don't appreciate how I get tired
It’s so hard to swim the fly, you can lactate fry your arms
Don’t go running for the shelter of a swimmer's little helper
Yoga helps you through the night, helps to minimize your plight
Coach, please, some more of ease
Inside the lane, he writhed in pain
What a drag it is getting old
"Free's just much too hard today, " I hear every swimmer say
The pursuit of faster times just seems a joke
And if you swim ten more of those, you will mess up your stroke
But, don’t go more running for the shelter of a swimmer's little helper
Just push yourself today, get through 4K and YEAH!
No "America's Got Talent" or "The Voice" for me; I'll stick to my day job!