What a drag it is getting old

2 June 2022

Back in the 80's, after a taper & shave meet, our coaches used to have all swimmers, boys & girls, men and women, wear pantyhose in workouts to simulate the unshaven feel. I'm not ready to explain this to the curious patrons at LA Fitness, so I've just been training in my Arena drag suit.


I did a 3 x 300 test set over the weekend and was drastically slower than my effort in early April (3:13s), going 3:30, 3:35, 3:35. I'm not sure how much of the slowdown was due to the drag suit or to the fact that my body's been dragging and very slow to recover since the meet.


As I did a 20 x 100 set of aerobic 100s this morning and struggled to get under 1:10, the song that kept running through my head was Mother's Little Helper. As a clean swimmer (espresso shots aside), I riffed on it, took out the pill references and send out my deepest apologies to Mick and the Stones:


What a drag it is getting old


"Sets are different today, " I hear every swimmer say

This swimmer needs something today to speed him up

And though he's getting fairly old, he just wants to go go go

But he don’t run for the shelter of a swimmer's little helper

He just pushes all the way, gets right through 4k a day


"Sets are different today, " I hear every swimmer say

Stroking butterfly for two hundred’s just a drag

So he buys an espresso shot, and he chugs a protein shake

But he don’t run for the shelter of a swimmer's little helper

He keeps pushing all the way, gets right through 4k a day


Coach, please, some more of ease

Inside the lane, he writhed in pain


What a drag it is getting old


"Laps just aren't the same today, " I hear every swimmer say

They just don't appreciate how I get tired

It’s so hard to swim the fly, you can lactate fry your arms

Don’t go running for the shelter of a swimmer's little helper

Yoga helps you through the night, helps to minimize your plight


Coach, please, some more of ease

Inside the lane, he writhed in pain


What a drag it is getting old


"Free's just much too hard today, " I hear every swimmer say

The pursuit of faster times just seems a joke

And if you swim ten more of those, you will mess up your stroke

But, don’t go more running for the shelter of a swimmer's little helper

Just push yourself today, get through 4K and YEAH!


No "America's Got Talent" or "The Voice" for me; I'll stick to my day job!

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